


No words needed

by FynnieThePooh



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm not even sure if it's non-kpop idols, Mental Health Issues, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Beta Read, Sad, Secrets, There are not enough fanfics in this tag and it's a crime, hitomi is stuggling, i have no idea how to tag this, i wrote this at like midnight don't judge please, it's so vague oh my god, izone - Freeform, sad hitomi, supportive nako, very light fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:33:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FynnieThePooh/pseuds/FynnieThePooh
Summary: Hitomi has always been stuck in the empty space between something and nothing, always drawling around through the doubts and insecurities of her own mind. In a way, she was never alone, but then again, she was. When she lays in her bed, staring at her ceiling hoping that the feeling in her chest would go away, that the heavy feeling in her feet that was preventing her from getting up would just go for a second. The heavy weights and thoughts keeping her busy forever.
Relationships: Honda Hitomi/Yabuki Nako, platonic - Relationship
Kudos: 9





	No words needed

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so, I wrote this because I felt like it. The word count is low which is surprising for my works. I just want to warn that this is vague and there's no particular story line or anything like that. There's no relationship, no love, it's just some feelings compacted in a fanfic. Nevertheless, I hope you'll enjoy this work that was created by my last two brain cells rubbing together.

Soft gentle rain ticked against the window in a consistent pattern, gushes of wind blowing the rain harder against the glass. Hitomi was happy she closed her window, seeing how the tiny droplets were fighting each other while streaming down, trying to secure their spot onto the window frame. She thought about what would happen if she did open the window, the cold water gushing inside at a speed quicker then she could process.

She imagined how it would wet her textbooks, scribble around the ink of her notebook and wrinkle up the wood of her desk. Her eyes unfocused on the water drops, mind wandering off to god knows where. That's always a thing the girl struggles on, she wanders off often, eyes staring into space. But when she snaps out of it and somebody asks her what she was thinking about, she doesn't know how to answer.

She doesn't think anything, her mind is blank as she stares at the thing that captivates her eye. This time it's the drops of water, the one she named Michael getting dangerously close to the finish line she made up in her head. Perhaps it's something only she understands, the voice in her head that grows louder over time was the only one that was able to empathize with her feeling.

Sometimes she wishes she knows what she thinks about during her zone out moments, she's never sure if she actually thinks about something or if it's just blank canvases filling her head.

She clearly feels the hands in her lap, their position from her head having changed around a minute ago. She feels the waves of heat run down her spine, a small headache starting to develop behind her eyes, spreading towards her nose bridge. She doesn't bother to take some medicine, even when she knows she's going to complain about it.

Her arms feel cold while staring at the rain, the picture of it bursting through the window getting less fantasizing, she could feel the small spikes hit her skin in consecutive rhythm, her hair dripping with water. It was somewhat comforting, the coldness embracing her body slowly. She just had to imagine it all happening, that was enough. 

She doesn't realize that her door opens, a girl stepping in and sitting down on her bed. She was small, smaller then Hitomi. She complains about the weather, rambling on about how she hates rain. Hitomi doesn't listen, the raindrops are too interesting for her to listen to her friend.

F*ck.  
Her friend.

The Japanese whips her head around, snapping out of her daze as she remembered that, oh yeah, her friend was staying over. With wide eyes she stared at the other, face blank of emotion. Her friend chuckles, turning on the laptop in her lap, she knows Hitomi longer then today, this was nothing new.

"You good?" She asked, mouse clicking rapidly, eyes burning with frustration of her program not opening and softening the moment it did. Hitomi sighed, turning back to her desk, it didn't rain over, nothing was wet and the ink wasn't scribbled out. It was somewhere disappointing, would've liked the sight of her homework completely ruined. 

"yeah" She mumbles, picking up the pen on her desk and playing around with it. In a few seconds there was a flower on her hand, not very detailed or masterpiece-worthy but it was pretty. The leaves of the flower were uneven, the stem non-existent and the middle messily colored in. 

She heard her friend sigh, humming in a way Hitomi _knows_ she doesn't believe her. Not wanting to elaborate on the matter, Hitomi stood up, walking out of the room with nothing more then a " _I'm back in a sec_ ". Again, her friend hums in a way she _knows_ that it will take longer then a sec. Hitomi being her long-time friend, she understands how the other works.

Yabuki nako, she has always been a place of comfort to Hitomi. Even if she hates to admit, Nako has always been that one person Hitomi is herself around. And it may not be in a way that others think of. No, it isn't that she opens her heart and tells her everything on her mind. With Nako, Hitomi knows that the questions thrown at her won't go further then "you good?" Or some invitation to do something.

She likes that.

But Nako was also someone that effected her in ways she didn't want, the mom-like feeling that pooled in the bottom of her stomach as she sees her friend in her kitchen in the middle of the night making her breakfast for later.

She knows Hitomi from head to toe and back, she hates it.

So when she stands in her bathroom with her head staring at her toes, Hitomi _knows_ Nako will stand in the door opening within seconds, maybe a minute. And her gut was right, through the mirror, that her gaze had fixed itself on, she made eye contact with Nako who had just walked in.

Hitomi doesn't know if she's ready.  
If she wants this.  
If she wants her here at the moment, or if she wants to be alone.

She has always been stuck in the empty space between something and nothing, always drawling around through the doubts and insecurities of her own mind. In a way, she was never alone, but then again, she was. When she lays in her bed, staring at her ceiling hoping that the feeling in her chest would go away, that the heavy feeling in her feet that was preventing her from getting up would just go for a second. The heavy weights and thoughts keeping her busy forever.

Nako was something, but she gave Hitomi the same feeling when there was nothing. It's the gentle comfort that she radiates constantly, the way her mind could wander off without thinking about others too much. The way that Nako could comfort her like a warm blanket draped around her shoulders without even doing anything.

Just like silence, emptiness, it gave off the same feeling. Will Nako ever know this? That Hitomi feels that way? no, she won't, Hitomi barely talks about the things she felt. Nevertheless, Nako had along the way figured out she was different from the rest of Hitomi's friends. Nako was always the one Hitomi would talk to first, the one she would show just a sliver of emotion with.

Nako knew that Hitomi saw her as a comfort point and she was more than happy about that. Hitomi has always bottled everything up, that could be emotions or secrets, she would always keep it to herself and than try to get it off by unhealthy coping mechanisms. Nako never saw her doing anything bad to herself but she could guess. Nako was a place Hitomi goes to when she's doubting herself or struggling to fight the urge to hurt herself.

Nako knows and is glad Hitomi sees her as a place of comfort.

Back when they were younger, Hitomi was even worse with handling things. Nako wouldn't say she looks out for Hitomi more then the rest of the group because of it, but somewhere she knows it's true, she knows Hitomi's past and traumas. She couldn't help but look out for her more. But at the same time it's difficult, the younger girl being closed off and not speaking her mind makes it hard for Nako to help and reach out. She's scared she does something wrong and damages not only Hitomi but their friendship in the progress.

And that's how two girls are stuck between something or nothing, the gnawing of their own mind racing against their instincts to reach out and take action, passing the urge to help every time they settle on doing something. It's a race against time, not knowing when it's too late nor when it's too early. Both ways it would end up damaging something.

It's tricky, living on the edge of something or nothing, it may not be in the same way or feeling for the girls, but it has the same concept. Eventually something has to happen, you can delay it forever but at a certain point it has to happen.

And then you just have to hope it's on the right time.

Words were difficult to say when you stare at each other through a mirror, tension growing bigger and distance getting shorter as Nako slowly walked over to the other girl, standing beside her looking at the mirror too.

It's silent, the occasional water droplet falling from the faucet creating a satisfying sound, Nako can mimic it, Hitomi knows. She wonders why she suddenly thought of that, why the little workers in her brain decided that that was the right thing to settle on right now. 

"What do you see?" The question echoes through the room, bounces off of the grey-ish tiles in the bathroom. Nako's voice was high-pitched, but not annoying, it was sweet and soft, falling along the waves of sound and riding the beams as if it was it's horse. Hitomi always wonders if Nako was really human or just a gift from angels. 

"I don't know" 

Silence again, what kind of question is that even? What do you see? Herself, obviously, but she still answered with 'i don't know'. Maybe it's because she genuinely didn't know, confused was a thing she always was and will forever be. Confusion is the first word in her dictionary and she hates it. 

"I see you" There was a deep breath coming from the shorter one, words stuck in her throat. "But not the same as you were" Nako whispers, scared that she crossed a line, scared that she stepped over boundaries and entered territories she shouldn't invest in. Emotions was a forbidden topic between the two, something that is never brought up. 

yet Nako couldn't help herself, Hitomi was just so out of it, and lost in her own little world. She had to help. 

She didn't know, she really didn't know if the Hitomi she was staring at was the same person she met a few years ago. Of course, people change, but this wasn't Hitomi. This was the evil worker in her brain taking over her body slowly, seeping into the little cracks and wounds in her heart and mind, turning her into this emotionless thing. 

Nako had to do something. 

"I don't see myself anymore... Unnie" Hitomi feels tears burn behind her eyes, vision blurry as her lips quiver, chest falling as she heaved a deep breath. The taller never called Nako 'Unnie' so it was a bit surprising. 

Hitomi feels the warmth of the other's hand carefully envelope hers, the radiation seeping through her cold skin, making itself comfortable in her muscles. They never held hands, never had skinship in general. The taller didn't mind it, enjoyed the way her hand was held even when she couldn't bring up the power and courage to squeeze the other's hand. 

So Hitomi just allows Nako to take her into her arms, resting her head on her shoulder and letting tears slowly wet the other's t-shirt. Nako's hand loses itself into Hitomi's hair, carefully playing with it and massaging her scalp, calming down the thoughts in Hitomi's mind and releasing the tension in her body as Nako's other hand followed along the lines of her friend's back. 

They never hugged, never had skinship in general. But Hitomi was glad that, this time, they did. Hands clutching onto each other's t-shirts and just crying, not talking, just letting out the things they've been holding back for so long, letting out their emotions on the other's shirt and knowing that their insecurities, worries, doubts and anxious thoughts were save with the other. Locked behind the walls of each other's hearts, neatly placed in the department of secrets. 

It wasn't a told secret, no words involved to know that this was something only they knew, only they had. In the hectic society and standards of today's youths, their deepest secret of just being so lost held within their hearts. 

Hitomi will forever be stuck between something and nothing, will forever be drawling around through the doubts and insecurities of her own mind. But she now knows, that she won't be drawling alone anymore, from now on She'll be drawling with the one that was more than just something to her, but gave off the same feeling when there was nothing. She'll be drawling with the one who knows her the best, without having said a word.

**  
  
**


End file.
